he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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