"it" just moved
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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