Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
