I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
