he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
