Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
