you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
