Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
