Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Two words: blizzard sex
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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