Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
