Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
