just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
