I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
