Ambien. No doubt about it.
I cockslap morals
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
there is glitter all over my balls
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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