That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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