He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
