Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
