Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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