very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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