Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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