I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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