i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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