Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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