there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
