I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
