If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
