I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
