i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
what day is it and did you see me today?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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