Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
