and you said cock pushups were impossible
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
