It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
