Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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