I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
