THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
