Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I am mentally ready for anal.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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