My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
