I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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