I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You were trust falling into bushes
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
