wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
