Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
