Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my being single is dangerous.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
