Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
