I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
