so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
