in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
