If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
