I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
