I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
