Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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