i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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